Monday, January 21, 2013

The Rules for Not Marrying the Earl - Changing the Blurb

The Rules for Not Marrying the Earl

Here is my original blurb.  

The Rules For Not Marrying The Earl
90,000 word historical romance set in 1795, in Lincolnshire, England.

After the torments of his childhood, Nathan Landers, the Earl of Tavishton, desires nothing more than to meander through life. But when a ruthless lord with an incendiary letter blackmails him, it disrupts his languid existence. The scoundrel forces him to acquire his close friend’s family treasure—the Mask of Manaha—by any means necessary, and sets him on an inexorable path toward his friend's captivating and impulsive sister.

Maia is desperate to atone for a terrible mistake, which tested her relationship with her twin sister. To repair the fractured bond, she is determined to ensnare a kind and titled husband—not for herself, but for her timid sister. Since Maia hears of her twin’s far greater beauty every day, she can’t imagine what might go wrong with such an idea. Or what better choice there might be than her brother's newest friend.
Nathan and Maia have no intentions of falling in love, but with the interference of Maia's tempestuous younger sister, her outspoken grandmother, two gargantuan ruffians, and a crapulous muff chaser, they find it hard to hold fast to their goals. And when they lock eyes, then wills, and finally hearts, they discover they can't avoid the inevitable outcome. One impetuous kiss.

Strange, how a simple meeting of the lips can have the power to destroy even the best-laid plans.
It wasn't very successful. First thing I noticed after all the articles I read was, it's too long. I'm going to cut it by at least 10%. I also want to focus on why the agent/editor/reader might want to read it. I need a better hook. Here goes.

Discover what happens when an earl with a debilitating fear of guns and a miss with a secret battle a crapulous muff chaser.

When a ruthless lord blackmails Nathan Landers, the Earl of Tavishton, into acquiring a treasured relic from his closest friend "by any means necessary," Nathan wants nothing more than to get the object and have done. The guilt of possibly betraying his friend is compounded when he meets his quirky family, who is closer than Nathan could ever hope to be with his own mother and sisters. 

Maia Hawkley got the worse part of the bargain when she was born a twin, but without her sister's beauty. She's prepared to settle into a spinster's life and enjoy treasure hunting with her father, but first she must appease her marriage minded mother and repair her relationship with her estranged twin. What better way to achieve both than to convincing her sister and her brother's friend to wed? The plan is perfect—and with her own impetuous nature and her sister's wicked tongue, more than likely doomed. 

Shorter, less blah, blah, blah, and it fits my voice better. Let's see how this one fares.

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